Unexplainable emotions

I haven't posted for so long. Honestly, maybe I never thought this whole adoption thing would really happen! We are now 99.9% finished with our homestudy! Only 1 more document to send to our social worker, and we've been waiting FOREVER for our state background checks! Then, we are finished! Yay!

So, for our latest news. We expected that we would have a long wait in front of us. We expected that we'd be bringing a baby home at the end of next school year (if we were lucky!). But, on January 30th, we saw HER! On February 2nd, we emailed our agency to ask for more information about HER! The next day, we were told that another family was also interested in more information, and that we needed to decide within 2 weeks if we wanted to officially pursue her adoption. Well, after really searching, researching, thinking, praying, worrying, and searching some more, we said we wanted to move forward. (By the way, so did the other family-more on that in a second!)

So, here's where we are: We will be talking with the waiting child committee from our agency on Monday afternoon. We're told they just want to make sure we are understanding any needs she may have and that we have access to the resources she needs.

Then, THURSDAY (March 19) is the day. This is how our agency arranges waiting child referrals: If there is more than one family interested in adopting a waiting child, they meet in a committee. They gather info. of each family, questionnaires from each family, phone interview info. from each family, and all the info. they have about the baby. Then, they meet in committee and decide which family they believe would be the best match for the baby. That will occur on Thursday. So far, it's been a month and a half long process, but it all comes down to Thursday. Once we got the date of the committee, I became a nervous wreck! (I truly was fine before that! Really!) It's very nerve-wracking to imagine a committee sitting around and deciding something so big regarding your future! We fully trust our agency-we truly believe they have the best interest at heart of every child in their care. We know that they are an agency that look to God for guidance in these kinds of decisions. We know they know more of the big picture than we do (and God knows even more of the picture-so we're glad they let God in on the decision!). We are trusting that if God knows something we don't about something that would make us not the optimal choice for this little girl, he'll guide the committee's decisions. This little one belongs to Him, first and foremost, and we want what He wants for her.

That being said, we really don't know how we will feel if the answer is "no." How could we, after all-this is such a weird, weird situation to be in! We have tried to guard our hearts a little-it's such a strange balance. As the past few weeks have gone by, we've changed our outlook on this whole situation so often, and so drastically. How can you not fall in love with such a beautiful face, how can you not want to hold and protect and nurture such a sweet little life that needs a family to blossom into who she should be. At the beginning, it was a matter of how beautiful and sweet and fragile she was. Lately, it has turned into so much more. We look at her now and think, "Little girl, we would do ANYTHING for you!" We don't know if God is preparing our hearts for a "yes" answer through that, or if there is something else He wants us to discover through this process. We know it will be a difficult and painful process if we find out we are not bringing her home. We HAVE fallen in love with her, whether we should have or not! We decided we'd just keep going until God said "Stop," and finally on Thursday we will know if we will be hitting the open road or coming to that big red sign! We want what God wants for her, and we'll at least be able to be at peace knowing she's where she should be, whatever Thursday's decision.

Please pray this week for us, for the other family involved in this process, and for the committee making the decision. Please pray for wisdom, peace, and comfort for all of us involved. Please pray that she will get the family who will best meet all of her needs-maybe even the family who can get to her more quickly (even if it's not us!). She needs some quick intervention for her malnutrition and motor delays-we want that for her first and foremost. Pray she stays healthy throughout this whole process until she can make it home. Especially, please pray for peace for me on Thursday-I honestly don't know how I will function all day until we hear something from them!

Of course, we'll post either way on Thursday night!