Thursday, December 18, 2008

Hmmm, perhaps I should re-introduce myself!

Wow-I can't believe that 2 months have gone by since I last posted! It's not that nothing has happened-so, so much has happened in this process!
To get right down to it, the past 2 months have been a huge struggle with the adoption. Fear, disbelief, awe, excitement, sorrow, learning, peace, and joy (along with much more!) have all been a part of my experience thus far on this journey to our sweet baby. The only way to sum is up is one at a time, so here goes:
Fear: We've talked about this for so long. I've dreamed about this for years. I believe with all my heart that my life has led up to this journey. But, the past couple of months, the doubts have at times entered my head: What if it doesn't work out? What if "they" say "No, you cannot adopt right now?" What if I can't handle this whole process? Where in the world is this money going to come from? What is it going to be like as an interracial family? Am I really going to fly to ETHIOPIA? How long will we wait? Will I love this baby like A and A? Is this whole process fair to A and A? As you can see, the past couple of months have been a little emotional. I've often felt all of the emotion of my pregnancies, to be honest! One second, so excited-the next bawling my eyes out over a myriad of things (or sometimes nothing really at all!). The past couple of months have been a roller coaster of emotions for me personally. The reality of it all is sinking in.
Along with that, disbelief-it is so difficult to really believe it's real when there isn't tangible evidence. That is why the homestudy was so exciting! It went great, and we got our hands on so much paperwork! It made it more real. I got my vaccinations. I know this sounds a little weird, but it made it more real to get those and feel it. We've been starting to tell friends/family/church about the adoption, and sometimes I wonder if some of them are thinking "Uhh, yeah, sure-where's the baby?" It's such a long process that from the outside I'm sure it seems like nothing is happening, and they're not really sure it ever will. I've heard if you can correlate the steps of an adoption to the stages of pregnancy, it's easier for friends and family to get it and get on board with you. I'm still working through how that would all correlate!
I'll stop there for now and visit the other experiences in the next few days. I know the above does not sound so wonderful and promising to read-but rest assured, it is not just that-in fact we're on a roll right now, and things are starting to become more real and more comfortable along the journey. But, more on that in the next couple of days!

No comments: