Thursday, January 1, 2009

God is at home. We are in the far country. -Meister Eckhart

Well, when we began this journey, I knew that we would see many things in a new way. We've heard how people learned so much about themselves through the process. We've talked to many and read about many who have a deeper understanding of God, and of how this process so closely reflects our relationships to God himself. Of course, I long to see God in new ways-to understand more of Him each day, each week, and each year that I've known Him. I expected God to reveal new things about Himself to me during this long year and a half. Mostly I expected Him to teach me patience. I am not very patient-instead of being patient I decide to worry. I expected to learn some things about faith, as I know this adoption will not be possible-funding wise-without it coming from Him in some way. I have already seen some of that happen, and my faith has indeed grown already in that area. So, that's where I expected some work to happen in my life.
But, I knew He would teach me something. We are following His command in James 1:27 to care for the orphans in this world. We are mirroring what God did for us in Ephesians 1:5-6, having adopted us as his own child when He very well could have just left us as we are. And, He says He will care for and bless those who's hope and desire is in and for Him. But, I wasn't prepared for the blessing he poured out last night!
Last night, as I was doing dishes I was yearning in a new and different way to see our child. Maybe it was the promise of the New Year coming, knowing that most likely we WILL see his or her face this year! I felt like my heart was literally breaking because I could not yet see this face and hold this child. I was literally aching for this child who I have yet to know. I was thinking about how much I am aching, standing here in my home, while this baby-already created or not-is just so oblivious to my yearning for them. And then, those words ran through my head: "God is at home. We are in the far country."
Earlier that day, I was going through some CD's and I had seen Andrew Peterson's CD The Far Country. I haven't listened to that CD for ages. But, I put it away to move on to other organizing tasks. As I stood there in the kitchen, thinking of that quote I knew God placed it in my head to teach me an amazing truth. That quote is on the inside of the CD-I hadn't opened the case-it's been several years since I read that quote. But, as it popped into my head I was floored.
Have you ever thought about God sitting on His throne, literally yearning for you? Have you ever thought about God pining for you, wishing he could just see you face to face and counting down the days until he can finally touch you and hold you in His arms. Honestly, I haven't. After all of these years of being His and thinking about what it will be like for ME to see Him when I'm in heaven, it never occurred to me that He is exponentially more excited about that moment than I am! My experience waiting and hoping and yearning for this baby of mine in a far-off land is just a small reflection and a tiny peek into my Father's amazing and awesome love for me as He waits for me to finally join Him in my true home. Wow! If there is nothing more that I learn from this journey I am on to our baby-that will be enough. I truly believe that glimpse into who God is as a parent has changed who I am-as a parent, for sure. But, more importantly as who I am in Him.